I could be good at maybe one thing but i’m basically mediocre at everything…at best.
Which would be fine except what I really want is to be a good mum.
I spend most of my time at work missing my son and thinking about the fun things we can do together when I get home (note this means i’m not doing my job as well as I used to pre kids).
Then I pick him up and I’m too tired to play….
I mean I struggle just to get in the mind set of being silly, I don’t get out the arts and crafts stuff because I keep thinking about how I’ll have to clean it all up… and also I need to make dinner, then clean up after that….and in reality I’ll be making 2 maybe 3 dinners because i’m a trying vegan, the fellas a carnivore and my sons a chicken nuggetasaurous… i mean Aaaahhhhhhh!
So basically I sit and feel guilty about it, then when i go to bed I run through all the ways I’m going to do better tomorrow…I’ll clean the mouldy water toys so we can play in the garden, or I’ll get out some paint….
On the rare occasions I can be bothered or find my groove my sons a grumpy monster…I’ve been at work all day, he’s wiped out and i’ve totally missed the best of him… he wants to sit and watch paw patrol or some other guff and I sit playing on my phone feeling guilty about my phone addiction and on it goes…repeat infinitum….
I’m not sure i’ll ever be the Mum i want to be, because it’s basically impossible, I’ve made this unachievable super mum up!
- She cooks.
I do that, it’s not perfect, often no one eats it and we rarely get it at the table in perfect little serving dishes as I imagine it, but it’s still a win right?
- She always does arts and crafts that are enjoyable and displayed around the house.
Well first of all I was bad at arts and crafts before kids so I wasn’t going to get better at it now i’m a sleep deprived mombie with a 3 year old on my hip (face, back…everywhere like a little octopus).
I have got very good at making snakes out of play dough though… sometimes even a crocodile, and I have a large pinboard of all his/Grans art works on display for all to see, and my son is never happier than when I have made him a family of little play dough snakes to play with so that should be enough.
- She bakes.
I do this…i do it when i’m alone…to relax. So sue me if i don’t want to peel batter off the kitchen because it might reveal all the other parts of my kitchen that need to be cleaned.
So super mum aside, i try, my sons happy, clothed, fed, entertained and loved so what if I’m not perfect, so what if I don’t do my job as well as I used to, so what if my house isn’t as clean as i like, that’s what happens when you get pulled in a dozen different directions. I
I’m sure I’ll still feel guilty for the rest of my life for whatever my inner thoughts want to punish me for that day but i’ll try to make sure to remember i’m trying my best (well sometimes) and that is all I can do.