I mean when was the last time you walked up to an adult, tutted then told them to stop crying? Most of us have never and would never do this.
There are obviously reasons we have all said this to our kids (Confession, I’ve heard myself say it…more than once).
I think the number one reason is frustration. Frustration at seeing our child upset and being somewhat helpless. It’s so difficult to reason with a child as usually they are unable to think their way out of an emotion; that takes practice and if we’re honest with ourselves most adults haven’t actually managed it.
We talk to our friends, swear at things, take ourselves off to a bathroom and sob….write things down (this is mine if you haven’t guessed) but we don’t just stop emoting because someone told us not to. It’s not possible, and it’s not possible for our kids either,
Do you remember how much bigger everything was when you were a kid?
I can remember (I can even picture) a forest at the back of my nursery that I used to play in….I’ve been to that Nursery and know there are about 3 trees, yet I can still remember that forest.
Emotions are bigger when you’re a kid too. Even if it is just about the wrong colour cup, a change of plan or not being able to climb in to the oven. Kids have no concept of brushing off the little things, because to them these are the big things in their lives (thank god for that).
To this day I hate crying in front of people, I don’t want people to see me vulnerable or out of control (who knew I was a control freak…joke…everyone…everyone knows).
I feel like others will think i’m weak. I hide in bathrooms and sob until I’m finished and my eyes are no longer red so I can pretend I’m fine.
Can you imagine if we could just cry when we felt sad or frustrated?
Or could let someone hug us, let them be there for us…how wonderful would that be, what a weight it would take off.
Let’s be that for our children.
Next time let’s try saying “its ok to cry and be sad, let’s have a cuddle until you feel better, but look the dishwasher’s finished now so you can have the blue cup after all….No you still can’t climb in to the oven”